atheist. filipino. buddhist. monkey. karaangtawo.multiply.com

Nothing Interesting Happened Today

 

 

This is just one of those days where nothing happens except you have your heart broken because you learn that the girl who is to you the most beautiful girl in the world turns out not to be interested in you as a lover, but instead tells you that she merely wants to be friends and now it’s just too awkward when you see each other and so that’s the end of your friendship and you bang your head on the wall when nobody’s around because you are such a stupid stupid fool in so many ways, first is that you fell in love which is just about the stupidest thing that can happen and second because you fell in love with your best friend in the whole wide world which is the second most stupidest thing that you can do and now you are left with nothing, you are but a hollow shell of nothingness and now you start to read Buddhism and imagine a life as a Buddhist monk who lives in a secluded cave somewhere away from the hustle and bustle of life and all those cares and worries and heartaches of all those stupid mortals who are still imprisoned in the realm of samsara, the endless cycle of birth and rebirth, the endless cycle of suffering, well endless only to those who remain in it, but to those who transcended samsara, those who withdrew from the world and into the realm of nirvana, to them, there is no more suffering, no more heartaches, no more sorrows of unrequited love.

And you laugh at all those foolish mortals, those puny puny people of worthlessness, going about their lives as if nothing unusual happened, as if your heart has not been broken, as if they couldn’t care less what happened to you, as if you are nothing but decaying organic matter which is true anyway, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. But you cry which is weird because Buddhist monks are known for controlling their emotions, for being so freakin’ stoic that not even being doused in kerosene and being lit with a match can make them flinch. You are not really a monk really, you are just one of those fakes who like to dress up like a Buddhist monk just to see what it feels like, just to know what being holy and religious and wise feels like. In truth you are just in denial, one big fake, so huge you block out the sun, so huge that plants start to die because they haven’t seen sunlight for weeks, months now because all you did all that time your heart was broken was just stand there and be heartbroken not noticing that the plants are dying and you are such a selfish selfish person because all you think about is your happiness and not the happiness of those other people and creatures around you. Being a plant isn’t that much cause for being happy and being a dead plant is just worse.

So you cast off your yellow robe and hair started to sprout out of your once shaven head and now you have long hair and you have a beard and you, now what are you supposed to be. Well you look like a Neanderthal, one of those ancient ancient people who hunted with spears, one of those hunter-gatherers who chased after buffaloes and lions and tigers and woolly mammoths and dinosaurs and aliens, well maybe not dinosaurs and aliens, but definitely some big mammals. And you have to do this in order to live; this is your way of life now, too engaged in the present to ever be worried in something as dumb and stupid as unrequited love. Everything is just so intense now and everyday is a struggle for survival. You are so hardcore now, you only take a bath whenever you feel like it and still you look cool because you know, the tribal look is always cool that’s why all those rich people want to have their hair dreaded and be tattooed all over, they want to be a Neanderthal. But you do not give a fuck of these people because you are so busy making spearheads and arrowheads and all those other weapons that Neanderthals use and` yeah fuck them all, I’m here just to survive. And one day you are chasing this woolly mammoth and then the woolly mammoth turns back and now its chasing you and you, in Neanderthal language, say fuck fuck and you run and you throw your spear and you say shit shit and you climb a tree and the Mammoth gets bored after a while and then leaves you there but now it’s night and you’re alone and up above, because this is before agriculture was invented, before the age of the machine, before the age of automobiles, before the age of smoke from factories and chimneys, up above you see a glimpse of the freakin’ sky and it’s freakin filled with stars and so clear and beautiful that you start to think of something profound, something you think have been missing all your life, which is this something they call love. And you know this is being weak to think of this, this is being vulnerable to feel like this, this is being stupid to be like this, but hey what the hell can you do. You are just an evolved monkey up in a tree with no one to kiss.

 

Why was i not consulted first?

anti-theism, i think is more radical than atheism. one can be an atheist and that's the end of it: you just don't believe in god. but if you're an anti-theist, you can believe in that god, but still hate that god (sort of the position that Satan took)

i believe that the existence/non-existence of god is not an issue at all. the question of suffering to me is the most important: if god is good and he is capable of doing anything, then how come the world is in such a terrible state? I have just recently come upon this idea of anti-theism and so am trying to understand more about it.

 anti-theism i think is also compatible with buddhism, in that the question of suffering remains paramount. one can believe in a god but still hate that god to the depths of one's being, i think that's what anti-theism is about. when i entered high school, i identified myself as an atheist, but somehow in my later years, when i entered college, i started to read about buddhism and was fascinated by the similarities i found.

buddhism is one of the most compassionate and rational belief systems i know for it actually encourages people to doubt, doubt everything, doubt the traditions, doubt even the teachings of the masters, it teaches you to find out things for yourself and not simply to float around listening and believing mindlessly. unlike the great monotheistic religions where there is only one huge solid chunk of truth to be swallowed whole. but most importantly it teaches you to be aware of suffering.

my roommate, a very devout protestant who holds weekly bible readings, and i once had this intense conversation regarding belief in christ. he said that human beings are fallen and that the only way that we can connect with God once more is to have faith in Christ, for he serves as that bridge between God and man. Our First Parents sinned, and so Jesus Christ sacrificed himself that we may be saved, and that for us to be worthy of that salvation, all that we had to do is to believe in him. my objection against believing in Christ is that it is too simplistic. And also, if it was my sin which I inherited from my first parents, why can't I be responsible and atone for that Sin myself? Why did Christ suddenly show up and took it upon himself to save us all. Isn't it a little bit too presumptuous and self-righteous? Why did he not consult me first whether i want for him to carry my burden or not? And so now that he has done this (without prior consultation and approval), we are expected to be grateful and to believe in him?

Massive Angst Manifesting ITself As a Green Fairy


by



narodnikkki





This is a story about a young man attempting to write a story. What kind of story the young man is trying to write nobody knows except the tiny little green twinkling fairy hovering beside him right at this exact moment. The young man's name is, well, he does not want you to know. He's looking at me right now and telling me to please not bother him and could you stop talking to whoever it is that you are talking with. It creeps me out man. Okay, I reply. But secretly I switch to my telepathic mode and thats why we are still able to have this conversation right now. This young man we are talking about right now is wearing only shorts. He is sitting on his chair and struggling to write something on the blank sheet of paper in his typewriter which is in his study table. Tack, tack, tack, the prehistoric machinery goes. Why he's still writing using a typewriter in this age of ultra-thin laptops is something of an enigma, a peculiarity unique to himself. I have only met this young man a week ago. We are roommates in this dormitory for male undergraduates in this university somewhere in southeast asia.

Where we are is this three by nine meter room where there is no airconditioning and not even an electric fan. Every night it gets so hot that even the walls they sigh and sweat. There is nothing to do but try to sleep in your bed and wait for dawn to come where it is cooler. I look right and the wall clock on the door says its ten in the evening. It's ten in the evening and my roommate is still at it, click clacking. I however am conversing with you using my amazing telepathic abilities and with this special ability of mine he does not know that I am telling you that I really hate the way the fairy is looking at me right now. Hey, maybe fairies can read minds, maybe it is reading my thoughts right now, wa wa wa this is to certify that the quick brown fox jumped on the...all work and no play makes jack a pretty dull boy.

Oh my god, it can really actually read my mind. Besides that it can also talk to me telepathically. It's saying I will kill you at exactly ten fifteen this night. Well, I reply, fuck you stupid green fairy, me and my buddy right here (meaning you) will, using our mind energy kill you first. And then we concentrate really hard, we close our eyes and visualize this evil killer fairy being crushed by our psionic powers. There it is now, yes floating and we try to crush it and then we open our eyes and then oh no, shit it's still alive. It's still alive and it's smiling now and in its right hand it is holding a huge knife. A huge knife which is about a foot long. I take out my tape measure quickly, my heart racing now, and measure the knife. Yes, it is exactly a foot long. Twelve inches I mutter to myself as I quickly return the tape measure to its rightful place inside the second drawer of my study table. The fairy is hurtling at me now with the knife and oh my god it's coming..but then a knock on the door.

I open the door and at the door is our neigbour, known only through his alias in our corridor as The Homosexual. The Homosexual says in a voice filled with lust and longing, hey guys what are you doing this night, wanna come to my room and play poker with me. The Homosexual is not wearing anything at all except for a red lipstick smudge on his lips. Me and my roommate and the fairy (which is invisible to The Homosexual) look at him and I finally say, Fuck You, get the hell out. And I slam the door on his nasty homosexual face.

The wall clock on the door falls to the floor and I see that its clock face says that it is ten thirty in the evening. I look at where the fairy was but it is not there. Frantically I search for the fairy but the tiny dumb insect is nowhere to be found. I feel something in my chest, I look down and fuck, there it is, the stupid knife is in my fucking chest. Embedded so deeply that only the wooden handle is visible, and oh the blood, my blood it's everywhere. On the floor. On my bed. On the door. On my books. How am I going to clean all this up? I will try to pull the knife. Okay, one, two, three. Dammit, I cant pull it out. I will try again, one, two, fuck it still won't come off. I notice something written on the handle. I lean my head and I see it spells...Excalibur. Damn you fairy, I shout out.





The End